Reading about consent is much different than getting or giving consent in a real-life situation. If you’re like most people, it takes practice before you’re comfortable having open conversations with someone about sex.
Giving and getting consent isn’t exclusive to sex. We have many opportunities in day-to-day life to practice setting our own boundaries and respecting other people’s boundaries.
Practice giving consent
Let’s use a non-sex scenario for example. You get an invitation to a party early in the week and you instantly commit to attend. But later on, what sounded like fun a few days ago sounds less appealing today. You might think that if you don’t go, they’ll be annoyed at you or it will hurt their feelings.
Sometimes we might feel bad when we say no, especially when we initially said yes. But, being clear and open about where you stand doesn’t mean you’re being rude or awkward. Remember, you’re the only one who knows what’s best for you – so it’s up to you to protect your needs.
The key is letting the other person know what you do and do not want. Your wants can change, and that’s okay. It’s important for the person on the receiving end to respect your boundaries.
Practice getting consent
Be ready to be respectful of whatever answer you receive when you ask for consent. Let’s go back to the party example, but this time you’re throwing the party.
If you invite a friend to a party and they cancel at the last minute, you might be annoyed. You might have really looked forward to having them there. But you have to be respectful of their decision.
Here are some tips for being respectful when someone else says “no”:
- Try not to take it personally. There could be more going on in the situation than you know about.
- Don’t pressure someone to do something they’re not interested in doing.
- Understand that everyone can change their mind about decisions they make.
- Remember, people communicate desires and limits in ways beyond words like “yes” and “no”. Body language and facial expressions can also give you indications about how someone is feeling.
- If you feel like you’re getting mixed messages, don’t hope or assume the other person has consented! Stop and check in with that person to make sure you’re both on the same page about what’s happening.
Consent is simply making sure your boundaries, and the boundaries of others, are respected.
If you’re interested in learning more about consent, you can request a workshop for your group, chapter, residence hall, or department.